Rule 9 Take Control

 When it comes to interpreting what happens in your life, people fall broadly into two camps. Those who believe that it's all down to fate and you can't change it, and those who believe that you have free will and control your own life. Science has not yet agreed which is the case, but it has established that people who believe they control their own lives tend to be happier.

Believing you control your life is crucial to resilience as well. Apart from anything else it motivates you to find ways of coping or at least new ways to think about your problems even where there's little you can do on the face of it. You can't bring back someone who has died, but if you believe your thinking and your decisions will influence the way you deal with it, you're more likely to try to find remedies.


Some people go on quite strict specialist diets when they have a significant illness. You might think it looks like a quack diet and there's no evidence it will make the slightest difference (although of course you're too polite to say so). You might even be right - or you might not. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that by taking control so dramatically, these people are improving their own resilience. So to that degree at least their diet is definitely beneficial.


What's the alternative to taking control? Well, if you feel everything in life is fated and you can do nothing about it, you are painting yourself as a victim when things go badly. And feeling like a victim takes power away from you and leaves you helpless. It does nothing for your confidence and your ability to bounce back.

When things go badly, do something about it. If you can't directly influence events, take control of your response to them. Think differently, choose who you ask for support and how, practise mindfulness or yoga or go for long walks, take some time out - it doesn't matter which of these you do. The thing that really helps is that you are consciously taking charge of your life.


Obviously if there are practical actions you can take that will help, that's great. Your resilience will improve simply because you're in control. So start looking for another job, or lodge a complaint, or get professional advice, or change your diet, or whatever you can think of that will help. It's a double bonus because both the action, and the fact you're taking it, are good for you. You can be as creative as you like. If you think painting your bathroom blue will make you feel calmer, then paint it blue. I know someone who was struggling so much with a job he hated that he left before he became any more miserable. He couldn't find a job immediately so, instead of feeling sorry for himself, he used the time to do the writing he'd always promised himself he would. He never did find another job because his writing career took off instead.



PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THEY

CONTROL THEIR OWN LIVES

TEND TO BE HAPPIER

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